NPL POWER RANKINGS 

 

#1 LA COOCHIE KILLERS (2-0) 

Coming off a dominating 5-0 shutout last week the newcomer to the NPL, LA Coochie Killers have proven experience isn't everything and have remained unbeaten during regular season play in murderous fashion. With the best scoring offense in the league the Coochie Killers are looking to join the Lakers and Dodgers as champions, is LA really title town...only time will tell but right now they look unstoppable. 
 

#2 RIVERTON RUG MUNCHERS (2-0) 

Mongo as the fans like to call him, has led the Rug Mumchers on what looks like a war path with a perfect record, but with a close call last week against the Railers many are wondering if they can claim the win next week against the Coochie Killers, in my opinion anything is possible with with this teams lockdown defense and the Mongolord at the helm. If I was a betting man, I'd say the Munchers have a good chance of taking the APC by the balls and humping it into submission. 

 

#3 LA PURDUE DUMPTRUCKS (1-1)

After a close week 1 loss to the Douche Canoes, the Baron handled business  in week two and mopped the floor with the struggling Necros team. The Dump Trucks look very consistent and are in striking distance for a title shot, this team could be very dangerous down the road if Rose Monroe remains healthy. As of now they are the premier team in the NPC.

#4 CLARE CRÈME PIES (1-1)

The Creme Pies are also coming off a much needed win this week, this small town powerhouse may be a sleeper in the league because of its lack of big name pornstars, but the Grandmasters girls pack a punch!! If this team wants to continue winning they will need to restructure their defense and have Chisty Mack become a lead point scorer, if the do this they'll leave their opponents a cum filled mess.

#5 PATTY CAKE DOUCHE CANOES (1-1)

The controversial Douche Canoes slid by in week 1 and lost a close one this week, blame is being placed on the phantom owner as he has remained silent in the first quarter of the season. If this team wants to turn the corner it needs to start with its coach first and players second. 

#6 PHOENIX PUSSY POUNDERS (1-1)

The team of the desert came up dry this week after a complete anal gaping from the Coochie killers. if the Pounders keep playing like this they're gonna have a short season and can kiss their playoff hopes goodbye. Poor game management skills have attributed to to most of the subpar play and has put the coach and owner Miggy on the hot seat. 

 

#7 RICHMOND RAILERS (0-2)

The star studded Richmond Railers have fallen on tough times as they continue to get slapped in the face with L's. Despite the losses the Railers have serious depth on their roster and can put up serious points once the offense starts to rolling.... if they can get rolling. Baba Boi better fire up his squad for next week if he wants to break the losing streak. 

#8 NEBRASKA NECROPHILIACS (0-2)

Where do I even begin, the Necros have been absolutely terrible thus far. Despite the veteran roster and strategic game planning they have come up short two weeks in a row. The coach and owner know as reaper believes the losses are due to the spirit of Carla Mai putting a curse on the Necros. Most believe this to be complete ludicrous crap, but I think when the stakes get this high anything is possible. Next week the Necros play the Railers, one team is going to get its first W, for the Necros it's an absolute must win because I don't know how much more losing they can take. 

 

Cindy if youre ready this please come home, I'm off the sauce and I miss the kids

          -Jim the Commentator